Because of readers’ persistent questions about Dr. Ink’s personal history, he is here responding to some frequently asked questions.
Q: Are you really a Doctor?
A: Yes, Ph.D.: “Piled Higher and Deeper.”
Q: Sex?
A: If you insist.
Q: Religion?
A: Roman Catholic, but struggling mightily.
Q: Ethnicity?
A: English, Italian, Polish, Jewish, Swiss, American, Provolone.
Q: Favorite Sports Team?
A: Ask Doc’s sainted mother, 
Mama Ink.
Q: Favorite Food?
A: No contest. Italian. Right now, the Baked Eggplant from Feola’s Restaurant in St. Pete.
Q: Favorite Drink, Dr. Ink?
A: Dr Pepper (notice, copy editors, no period after Dr).
Q: Marital Status?
A: Sorry ladies and gay men, Dr. Ink has been married for 32 glorious years to his wife, the Inkredible Inka.
Q: Favorite Song?
A: “Twist and Shout” by the Isley Brothers. The Beatles version works too.
Q: Least favorite performers?
A: Michael Bolton (for inauthentic soul) and Mariah Carey (for those hideous video outfits).
Q: Favorite newspapers?
A: St. Petersburg Times, The New York Times, USA Today, The Oregonian, the Seattle Times, the Concord (N.H.) Monitor, the Providence Journal, the Miami Herald, the former Philadelphia Inquirer.
Q: Briefs or boxers?
A: Knit boxers. Wear them once. Throw them away.
Q: Favorite car of all time?
A: 1965 Ford Mustang Convertible.
Q: Have you ever made out with a high school student?
A: Yes, in high school.
Q: If you were a tree, what kind would you be?
A: The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.
