Newsrooms should realize:
Every writer needs an editor.
Every writer needs to be his own editor.
Although those adages are commonsensical, many newsrooms sidestep them — and stumble:
“This is a story about how a bunch of gangsters went to one of the most maximum security prisons in the country and turned it into their criminal headquarters.” (CBS, “60 Minutes,” Sunday, May 15, 2005.) “Most maximum“? Maximum means the greatest possible quantity or degree. So most maximum is a howler (to say the minimum). It was certainly not “60” ‘s finest minute. Also: This is a story about is a weak, cliched, unimaginative way to start a story about anything. As for bunch of gangsters, I was taught that only bananas came in bunches. But maybe those inmates are members of the Bonnano gang. Joe was the top Bonanno.
“First up, an unannounced trip to Baghdad for the Secretary of State. C-N-N has learned Donald Rumsfeld arrived in Baghdad less than an hour ago.” (CNN, 10 p.m., April 11, 2005.) Now that is a surprise; when did Rumsfeld become Secretary of State? First up? Give it up. The first thing someone says is obviously first and needn’t be called first.
“Those elections produced an unexpected surprise…” (CBS, “Evening News,” Feb. 22, 2005.) Unexpected surprise? A surprise is something that is unexpected. So unexpected surprise is redundant. Scripts pass through several hands before they’re broadcast, but where were the eyes? Where was an editor? And where was the person who administers the final exam — the anchor?
“End of story? Not hardly.” (NBC, “Dateline,” 7 p.m., Feb. 6, 2005.) Not hardly is a double negative. Hardly the grasp of grammar you’d hope for at a network.
“President Bush has just arrived in Europe…” (ABC, “World News Tonight,” 6:30 p.m., May 6, 2005.) Mr. Bush had already been in Europe for several hours. The next day’s New York Times said he had landed in Riga, Latvia, “shortly after 10 p.m.” — 3 p.m., ET. That’s three and a half hours before “World News Tonight” said he had just landed. Just, my foot.
“While [tropical storm] Arlene may not come close to that fearsome foursome that battered Florida last year, the state’s hard-hit west coast remains a target.” (CBS, “Evening News,” June 9, 2005.) A storm does not have a brain. It may be on a path toward a particular place, but no storm can target anything.
“Breaking news this morning. Someone sneaked photographs of Saddam Hussein inside his prison cell. How did that happen and what do they show?” (ABC, “Good Morning America,” 7 a.m., May 20, 2005.) Britain’s Sun broke the story (and the photos) when the paper rolled off the presses before midnight in London — about 7 p.m., ET, May 19. That means the story and the photos were made public about 12 hours before GMA ballyhooed breaking news. Gimme a break.
“This flight, Flight 847, started shuttling back and forth between Beirut and Algiers.” (NPR, 8 a.m., Feb. 24, 2005.) Delete “back and forth.” That’s what shuttling means.
“So Graff manages her life from her car … and says her hands-free headset … is her saving grace.” (CBS, “Evening News,” 6 p.m., Aug. 8, 2004.) The script misused saving grace. The Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines a saving grace as “a quality that makes up for other generally negative characteristics.”
“There are predictions here tonight that the event unfolding behind us [in the Vatican] could be one of the largest in human history before it is over. It is safe to say there is no way the city of Rome expected this, but they are keeping up and keeping it moving. The massive volume of mourners passing by the body of Pope John Paul the Second at the rate of 15-thousand to 18-thousand people every hour. There was simply no way to predict how many people would feel the need to say goodbye. While some are already looking to the future, and while news events keep on churning far from here, we begin tonight with what is the largest gathering of its kind on earth.” (NBC, “Nightly News,” 6:30 p.m., April 5, 2005.) What’s especially worth noting in the script is the anchor’s saying the event could be one of the largest in history before it is over, but 90 words later, he says the event is already the largest gathering in history. Mr. Last Sentence, meet Mr. First Sentence.
“As the Vatican prepares for the funeral, Cardinal Szoka showed us the Vatican City you don’t often see, including a new innovation for the papal election.” (CBS, “60 Minutes,” Sunday, April 3, 2005.) An innovation— from the Latin nova (new) — is something newly introduced. So a new new is a no-no.
“Simon Property C-E-O David Simon is our guest, and his company owns, develops, manages regional malls in 40 different states.” (CNBC, June 8, 2005.) Delete different; are any states the same as other states?
“A train jumps a track and slams into an apartment building. More than 50 people dead. Is a reckless driver to blame?” (ABC, “World News Tonight,” 6:30 p.m., April 25, 2005.) No, maybe a reckless writer. When you hear a headline like that — without a where — don’t you wonder, “Did that happen here — or near here?” In fact, it happened in Japan, more than 5,000 miles away.
“For whether Catholic or not, Pope John Paul the Second impacted the lives of every one of us.” (Fox News Channel, 10 p.m., April 2, 2005.) Impact is a noun, not a verb. And no whether or not; the pope was definitely Catholic.
Rx for all those scripts’ stumbles and fumbles: writers who can write and editors who can edit.
Mervin Block, a newswriting coach, is the author of “Writing Broadcast News — Shorter, Sharper Stronger.” His tips and articles are at http://www.mervinblock.com. You can reach him (or sign up for his free tips list) at merblo@aol.com.
