Dear Readers:
Because Dr. Ink traffics, on occasion, in humor, he sometimes gets what are meant to be “funny” messages from the likes of Poynter lame-duck president Jim Naughton. Most of these messages are — not to put too fine a point on it — lame beyond belief. But even a blind squirrel finds a nut. So Doc feels compelled to share the following essay, attributed to one of the surviving members of Monty Python, the great British comedy troupe. Enjoy. [Note to Naughton: this does not mean Doc wants more of your rancid messages. Cheers and Peace. – Dr. Ink.]
Axis of Evil
by John Cleese
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the “Axis of Evil,” Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the “Axis of Just as Evil,” which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. “Right. They are just as evil … in their dreams!” declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. “Everybody knows we’re the best evils … best at being evil … we’re the best.”
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded that they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. “They told us it was full,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
“An axis can’t have more than three countries,” explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussien. “This is not my rule, it’s tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool.”
International reaction to Bush’s Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia announced that they had formed the “Axis of Somewhat Evil,” forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the “Axis of Occasionally Evil,” while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the “Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable.”
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the “Axis of Countries That Aren’t the Worst But Certainly Won’t Be Asked to Host the Olympics.”
Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the”Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America,” while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the “Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick.”
“That’s not a threat, really, just something we like to do,” said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
