Here’s an assignment: Show me a picture that represents the “real you.” Think carefully. You can choose only one. What would that “real you” picture look like?
Would it be:
- A shot of you at work or a professional event?
- A portrait of you with family, friends or pets?
- A image of you enjoying a your favorite vacation, hobby or sport?
We actually do this exercise at the beginning of many of our leadership and management seminars at Poynter. We show the images that participants have submitted and they tell the stories behind their choices.
It’s more than a fun icebreaker. It’s the first lesson we teach managers about leadership: the importance of understanding what people value in their lives. And more often than not, their “real me” images come from their personal, not professional lives.
Make no mistake, they care deeply about their careers and their craft. But given the opportunity, they demonstrate that they aren’t defined only by their professional passions. So, bosses, this leads me to ask you some questions:
- Do you know the “real me” of the people who report to you?
- Can they talk about their “real me” lives at work?
- Can they integrate those outside lives into their obligations to you?
Nothing would make me happier than for you to say: “Foolish questions. Of course they can!” and for your employees to say “Amen.”
But that’s not always the case. At Poynter’s Edge of Change conference last week, we discussed challenges that still exist for women (and men) in the workplace when it comes to “the real me.”
As the “sandwich generation” takes care of growing children and aging parents, many employees fear jeopardizing their reputation on the job as they juggle work and personal goals and responsibilities. Some feel that talking about the “real me” at work might hold them back, especially if their bosses are (or appear to be) all business.
Even conference keynoter Katharine Weymouth, publisher of The Washington Post, said that while she is fortunate to have a nanny for her three children, even she feels stress:
“There’s no balance. You are flying by the seat of your pants and you feel guilty all the time. And you’re just grateful you get away with what you can get away with.
“And you hope your children will forgive you for the things you miss and the days you get home and are grouchy. And work will forgive you for the days you’re not completely 100 percent.”
As a boss, you have the power to make that “work will forgive you” hope come a reality. I know it can be tricky. You’re responsible for quality and productivity. You’re a manager, not a social worker. But great bosses know how to make it happen.
In 2005, when I surveyed journalists about this very subject, I heard about the best and worst bosses when it came to letting people be “the real me” at work. As I wrote then, the best have this in common:
- Know their employees
- Demonstrate genuine empathy when staffers are under stress
- Praise as well as criticize
- Keep tabs on workload and encourage needed rest
- Set clear expectations and develop trust relationships regarding flexibility
- Think creatively about hiring and scheduling
- May be “happy workaholics,” but don’t demand that everyone else is
And the worst?
- Don’t know and don’t care about employees’ lives outside work
- Make the sick, the stressed and parents feel like slackers with negative comments or “eye rolling”
- Are understanding of families; dump on single people
- Create a culture in which finishing work during regular hours suggests a lack of commitment
- Expect staff to work the same hours as the boss
- Are weak at planning, scheduling or time management, causing extra work for others
In that 2005 survey, respondents had the option to share comments about their supervisors. This one, about an unnamed but applauded boss, remains my favorite:
He might not be normal, but to his employees who can be the “real me” at work, he’s clearly great.
Want to hear what else employees say about the best and worst bosses? Tune in to today’s podcast:
What Great Bosses Know about “The Real Me.”
Poynter’s “What Great Bosses Know” podcast is sponsored by The City University of New York Graduate School of Journalism. Poynter’s leadership and management expert Jill Geisler shares practical information that’s valuable for bosses in newsrooms and everywhere.
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